Monday, May 21, 2018

a year older

im officially 22.
am still looking for the meaning of life.
still didn't found what im looking for in my life.
i dont know what i want for my future.
what im gonna be,

wait

i dont even know who i am. Funny.

22 years old. i believe i am, at least.
i found people that i could say "im going out with my bestfriends" to mama. Yeah i may lose some, but i gain some too. i hate loosing so much but this is life dude. not everyone's gonna stay with you till you die am i right?~

i overcome my teenager's years well. well enough im not doing drugs, smoking or messing with the wrong boys. i experience my first love. my first heart break, my first 'moving on' phase. literally everything i want to during my teen years.

but f*** my twenties.
i have depression. i thought about suicide which i should not (its ok i already slap myself)..
i have no idea why am i still in Landscape architecture, you know how much i complained about this course. i didn't enjoy being here.. some people say be grateful lah mija you got dean list while others dont but FUCK DEAN LIST I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY AND ENJOY ANYTHING I DO IN MY LIFE..i envy people who could change their way in life just like that while im battling with my inner devil. where's my courage? perhaps i've use it all during my teen years.

my 22th birthday suck. my brother had a surgery. mom's feeling unwell. and something happen to me too.  you know whats suck? i cant be there for my mom. the only good thing today is that it's Ramadan. May Allah ease eveything for today. For a speedy recovery for us all.

For my 'make your wish',,
i just hope i could overcome all of this shit ,
i got to live the life i've been searching for,
become a better person,
found my true self,
stop complaining about what i didn't have.

dear self, i love you.
Happy Birthday.